Conversations With
by aiden28
Summary: Bella has been hurt by Edward, but now thats he's back in her life after 10 years will she be able to get over their past to find a future she didn't think she'd ever want? Rated M for angst, anger and of course LEMONS! AH/OOC
1. Grocery Store Encounters

**A/N: I own nothing. **

**CONVERSATIONS WITH....**

**CHAPTER 1: GROCERY STORE ENCOUNTERS**

**BPOV**

**SONG:**** Brand New: Okay, I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don't**

I was at the grocery store by my house picking up food for dinner with my best friend and housemate Alice. We were celebrating finally getting every box unpacked and everything put away in my new house. We'd been working on the place for just about six months.

I had bought and moved into the house in January and Alice moved in the a few weeks later to help me out. She was always there anyways, she hated being at her parents house still. My new house finally felt like a home. I had been so nervous to buy my own house, and the stress of trying to get it put together about made my hair fall out. But it had all been worth it to know that this was mine, exactly how I wanted it.

Things felt mostly perfect in my life. I had a career that I absolutely loved. I was a published author, my childhood dream. I didn't publish exactly as I had dreamed I would. When I was a kid I had wanted to publish novels, but my mind changed as I grew older. I had published several compilations of short stories, a volume of poetry and was in the editing process of a short novella. As a side activity I painted, and quite a few had sold rather well. Others were in museums. But all my paintings were under a different name, I preferred it that way, less attention, something I definitely wanted. I had my own home. I had friends I adored and the best best friend I could ever ask for.

So tonight we would celebrate. And maybe sleep more than a few hours. I was cooking dinner tonight as Alice had never really gotten the hang of cooking and wanted to make stuffed manicotti. I was standing in front of the pasta sauces mentally cursing whoever made shelves at stores so tall. Not everyone is six feet tall. Some people, like myself, are barely over five feet.

After contemplating the best way to get the jar of sauce I wanted, which was of course on the top shelf, I finally decided to climb up on the bottom shelf to try and reach that way. I set my basket down and grabbed a shelf and slowly stepped on the bottom one, hoping it would be fine to hold my weight. I reached one arm up and starting grasping for the jar. Just as I was about to grab it my foot slipped off the shelf and I fell backwards. Right into someone behind me. Of course.

I immediately blushed and turned to apologize to whoever I fell into to. I realized that they were much, much taller than me. I sighed and looked up to see a face I;d thought I'd never see again. A face I had hoped I'd never see again.

Edward Masen.

Fucker.

"Bella?" he said seemingly pleasantly surprised. The feeling was not mutual. Not even close. I scowled and decided to try ignoring him. Maybe he would get the hint and go away. Forever this time.

Ignoring him was hard. Too many memories attached to him. I felt like I was in the tv show Chuck, my mind kept flashing images of my memories. Him smiling. Him laughing. Us kissing. Her face. Him and her together. I hated it and hated how it hurt.

Stupid traitor, bitch brain.

I spun back around and again tried to get the sauce I wanted. I didn't think trying to climb on the shelf again was a good idea. Just as I was about to give up and just get some crappy Ragu he reached up and grabbed the jar that I had wanted and handed it to me.

Show off. Stupid tall people.

I snatched the jar from his hand, making sure to not make contact with it and muttered my thanks. I picked up my basket and quickly left the aisle. While I left I took deep breathes to try and calm down. I hated feeling like my feelings were getting the best of me. I needed the control that came with being calm. I refused to let him affect me. I had to control the onslaught of memories trying to cascade through my brain.

I had spent years perfect my mental control. I could block out just about whatever I wanted. I was glad for all those years of practice, because this was definitely a trying situation for me. I was able to succeed within a minute or two.

I only needed a few more items was able to quickly grab those before heading to the check out. I used the self checkout, I was much too impatient to wait for someone else to scan my stuff. It only took me a minute to scan my items and place them in my reusable bags. I swiped my card, threw my receipt in my pocket and grabbed my bags to head to my car.

I was placing my bags in my car when I heard someone very near, too near, say my name. That voice sounded very much like someone I did not want to talk to. I turned to my right to see Edward standing there smiling at me.

Would he not get a clue? Seriously what right did he even have, never mind. I refused to go there. Control. Control. I could do this.

"You didn't even say hi to me. You do remember who I am right?" he said.

"I do know who you are, I wish I didn't but it's a bit too late for that now isn't it? And I did not plan to say hi or really anything else to you." I quickly said and then turned back to the trunk of my car and placed the last bag in.

"Why not?" he asked. I frowned, wondering which sentence he was referring to. Basically they had the same answer. He had to know that. I slammed the trunk closed before turning to face him.

"I'm pretty sure you know exactly why. I need to go. Bye." I quickly tuned and starting walking around my car. I needed to escape now, before I did something I regret. Like hit him.

"I guess," he said quietly to himself. He was silent for a moment, before he said, "Nice car."

I looked at my baby. I had gotten her the year before. I loved her, as did everyone else. It was a 2016 Lincoln MKT in midnight blue. It really was a beautiful car, who was I to deny that?

I looked up and smirked, "I know." I then slid into my seat and thew it in reverse and hurried out of the parking lot. Away from Edward and my past. Hopefully I'd be leaving them both behind for good. I didn't think I could handle him in my life again. He had thrown it upside down before, without even giving me any warning. And I hated him for that. He had no right to do that.

So I would forget him.

Forget her.

Forget us.

I didn't want or need those memories anymore.

**AUTHORS NOTE**

**Okay I know I haven't finished Love Notes yet, but this story has been like an itch in my brain, the much dirtier side of my mind, and I just had to scratch and get it on paper. This will be very different from Love Notes, it's angstier, angrier, and dirtier. If you are not of age please DO NOT READ! **

**Please review, I was pretty nervous to post this and would adore feedback. Teasers for reviews!!**

**--aiden28**


	2. Waiting

**a/n: I own nothing as usual. **

**CONVERSATIONS WITH...**

**CHAPTER 2: WAITING**

**EPOV**

**SONG:**** Armor For Sleep-Basement Ghost Singing**

I hadn't seen her in years. More years than I'd like to admit. And it was my own damn fault. I'd left her and this town with the other, like the idiot I used to be. Once my head finally cleared and I realized the mistake of a life I'd been trying to live. I came back to this town that she had always loved. It had been years since I'd been there so hardly anyone knew me anymore. Thus my arrival was kept pretty quiet, which was a good thing in such a small town. Even though I'd wanted to see her so bad, I couldn't. I had to become the person she had believed me to be.

So I worked, a lot, and never went out. Partly to keep to my resolution, but mostly out of fear that I would see her before I was ready. Because she wouldn't want me before then and I needed her to want me. I'm a selfish bastard like that. And a coward, so I hid. I ignored every girl who came by the shop, only interested in her. All that working paid off though and I quickly moved up in the shop. Soon I was running the entire thing and the owner was considering passing it on to me when he retired next year. I got closer to being ready to see her again every day.

But every night my body was already ready for her. I dreamed of her constantly, mostly doing the simple, everyday things we used to do like go for drives and cook. I missed those things as boring and mundane as they were, they had never been when I was with her. Some nights were worse, those nights I dreamed of all the things I wanted to do with her and her body. Fantasies I'd had since I had first met her, but had been unfulfilled with my leaving her.

But no matter what happened in my dreams I always woke tangled in my sheets, sweaty and hard for her. If I was a normal guy I would've just gone and gotten laid by some girl to sate my hunger, but even the thought of that would make me a little limp. She was the only girl I wanted and I had already hurt her enough without sleeping with a girl every time I got hard for her.

So I dealt with my problem on my own every night, her name falling from my lips like a prayer as I came into my own hands, wishing they were her hands, mouth and pussy. I always felt disgusted afterward, but couldn't break the cycle that occurred each night. Not till I was ready.

Eventually I started to feel like I was ready for her. And so I started leaving my house other than for going to work. Not at night still, just during the day. I sometimes wandered around the grocery store, hoping to run into her. I ate lunch out almost everyday. I randomly drove around town hoping to see her, knowing it was fruitless because I didn't even know what car she drove. Or even if she still lived in town.

After about a month of that foolishness, I look her up online on a few networking sites. I easily found her profiles, thanking whatever higher power may or may not exist that she hadn't set either of them to private. She always did have faith in people and their ability to do good. And even though it make me feel obsessive, okay who was I kidding I was obsessed, and slightly stalker I read everything on her pages. I learned that she loved most types of music other than country, she rarely watched movies or TV, loved to write and paint, and was close with her family. She used both sites to keep track of only her close friends and most of her family. Both profiles were fairly simple and to the point, but still keeping a bit of her personality present. I remembered her always thinking that overdoing those sites was ridiculous and annoying. I looked at every picture of her, trying to commit her beautiful face to my memory forever. She looked different than she had when we were in high school. She was still short and slim, but she had grown into herself more. She still had curly hair, but now she kept it a bit shorter than she used to and more of a red-brown color. She still had her own unique style, but it had evolved over the years to fit her and her age. I stared at pictures of her beautiful smiling face and soon something hit me.

She was always with friends, usually girls or the only single one in the group. There was a few of her and a guy together but the captions always said that they were good friends and when I looked on his profile he had a girlfriend. I was relieved, I would have a chance now. I stopped searching town for her after awhile and decided that it would happen when it was meant to happen.

An early summer night found me at the grocery, aimlessly wandering around, trying to decide what to eat. I ended up in the pasta aisle, it was quick and easy. I was standing near a short brunette contemplating if I wanted red or white sauce. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the girl try to step up on the shelves to grab a sauce on a high shelf. I took a step towards her and was about to offer my help when she slipped and fell right into me.

The shock was immediate, along with a strange feeling familiarity. Almost like I knew this girl. But there was no way. No way that I could know her, I knew very few people in this town. She turned to apologize and realizing I was much taller than her looked up. Awareness slammed into me. It was her. So long and here she was.

"Bella?" I asked, surprised and excited. This was my chance. She crushed any hope I had immediately by scowling and turning to ignore me. It felt like my every nerve was electrified at being so close to her and my head was screaming at me to do something. I watched her try to grab the jar of sauce again, so I quickly reached up and grabbed it for her and handed it over. She took it from me, barely spit out her thanks through her teeth before turning on her heel and leaving the aisle.

I stood in shock staring after her. This was not how I'd pictured this going in my head. I grabbed my noodles and sauce, not even bothering to see what kind I grabbed and hurried to find her. I ended up two people behind her in the self checkout. When I got close enough to see her face I noticed her blank look. She never even notice me. I hurried through my check out and was able to find her out in the parking lot. I stood near her and said her name loud enough for her to hear. She turned and I smiled at her, hoping she would at least talk to me.

"You didn't even say hi to me. You do remember who I am right?" I asked, hoping maybe she didn't realize it was me. Once again I was crushed when she responded.

"I do know who you are, I wish I didn't but it's a bit too late for that now isn't it? And I did not plan to say hi or really anything else to you." She replied shortly before turning back to her car to put her last bag in.

"Why not?" I pitifully asked. She frowned before slamming her trunk door shut before looking up angrily at me.

"I'm pretty sure you know exactly why. I need to go. Bye." She spat out as she walked over to the drivers door.

"I guess," I said aloud to myself. I decided to try one more time. Apparently I'm a masochist. "Nice car."

She glanced over her car for a second, smirked and responded, "I know." before climbing into her car and peeling out of he parking area. I stood for a second just staring after her, again. I wanted to laugh because she was still the same spitfire I'd known before. I also wanted to rip my hair out in frustration because I had gotten nowhere with her. I stiffly walked to my truck, I sat in my seat trying to push down the need for a drink to wash all this away. I couldn't. I did this all for her. And I would keep doing this for her. I sat up, resolved once more to keep trying. I mustn't not been ready yet. But I would be. I started my car and drove home.

That night my dreams were angry and passion filled, much like her today. I woke up with a raging hard-on worse than normal.. I gripped myself and remembered our encounter that day, hoarsely grunting her name as I came hard in my hand. I cleaned up afterward in my bathroom.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, hating this nightly occurrence, but needing it too. I fell back into a restless sleep, anxious for my next meeting with her.

**AUTHORS NOTE**

**I hate to say this but I was seriously upset by the lack of response to the first chapter of this story. I don't know if people like it or not if no one tells me. Please, please, please tell me.**


	3. Late Night Rendezovous

**A/N: I wish, but I own nothing.**

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CONVERSATIONS WITH...

**CHAPTER 3: LATE NIGHT RENDEZOVOUS **

**BPOV**

**SONG:**** A Fine Frenzy-Almost Lover**

I never mentioned seeing Edward at the grocery store to Alice. She would want to hash it out and nit pick everything he said and did. I definitely did not want to do that. I just wanted to forget it, forget about him. Pretend he never existed.

But it seems he had other plans, namely to not be forgotten. Everywhere I looked there were memories of him lurking, just waiting to drag me back through the years. I saw a scrabble game and remembered when we played and he first told me he loved me. I saw a kid with a Mohawk and remembered his and how I'd love to play with it. I'd see a drum set and remembered how he loved to play and how happy it would make him. Each time it was harder to push the memories down. I'd spent the last ten years forgetting that I'd even known Edward.

The hardest memories to ignore were the the ones that included her. I remembered the first time I'd met her, at his house. He'd begged me to try to be friends with her as she dated his best friend. I'd forced myself to smile at her and comment on the similarity of our full names. Isabella and Anabell. And I hated that she went by Bell, it was too similar to my own name and I wanted us to have nothing alike. I remembered how neither of us liked her and brash ways and inability to be nice to people. Then I remembered seeing them together, holding hands and kissing. And the way she looked at me as if the say _He's mine now, move along little girl._ She could give him what I couldn't. And I hated her for it, and at the time had hated myself for it. I stopped hating myself years ago, but never stopped hating her and him.

My painting and my writing showed my emotional seasickness. My head was constantly spinning in five different directions. I hated that someone else had control over me and my emotions. They were mine to control and yet I couldn't fucking reign them in. I cursed Edward in my head and aloud a dozen times a day. I did everything I could to end the way I felt. But no amount of painting, writing, running and yoga could get his face out of my brain. I finally broke down and decided to let him and his memory fully invade my mind.

I pulled a chair into my closet and hunted around the stacks of boxes. These boxes held my memories of my life. I like to keep them near in case I forgot. Hidden in the back was a small nondescript black box. It was the only box not labeled, but I knew exactly what it held. I fished it out and sat on my bed with the box in front of me. I stared at it for unending minutes.

This box terrified me. He was in there. Along with proof that my heart had at one time been open and working. Proof he had existed in my life. Proof of how he lit up my days. Proof of how he turned my whole like upside down and inside out. Proof of my joy and proof of my pain. I kept it all shut in there hoping it would help me forget.

With slow, shaking fingers I wipe the dust off the lid of the box. The dust was so thick, that not even being moved into my new home had disturbed it's coating. I pulled the off the top and took a deep breath before looking inside.

On top was a piece of loose leaf paper. On it was a collage of colored pencil drawings. Edward had made it for me as a present. Each little drawing meant something to me. They were things that made Edward think of me; diamonds, daffodils, fall leaves, and stars. The page had yellowed slightly with age and was crinkled from an angry outburst I'd had after we broke up.

Under the page were notes, printed emails and random nick-knacks from out times together. When I had decided to forget I had placed them all in this box hoping that the saying out of sight out of mind was correct. It had proven to be true until now.

I could never understand what had made him so different. It had taken me years to be able to get to a point where I could pack this box. Alice's theory was that my love for him had been extremely deep and our being close for years prior to us dating cemented him in my heart. I refused to believe that he was special, he was just a high school boyfriend after all. I tried to believe that he was just as stubborn in my memory as he had been in real life. It was much easier that way. Then maybe I wouldn't have to remember her and how he'd left me.

Just thinking about her gave me the chills. I hated her. So much that I refused to think, much less speak of her. She had taken away not only my boyfriend but my best friend of 5 years. She made my life a living hell, flaunting their relationship in my face. I hated her, that bitch.

I blew out a frustrated breath before throwing everything back into the box and replacing it in it's forgotten place in the back of my closet. Where hopefully it would stay

I took a long shower after that, trying to wash away the memories I had temporarily run loose in my confused brain. Every time I'd get close to being okay, another memory would sneak up on me. An hour later I finally had my head under control. I finally got out of the shower, wrapping myself in a thick, fluffy towel. I braided my damp hair before curling up in my bed under my many blankets, too tired to even put pajamas on. I lay silent in my bed, focusing on the sky out my window, trying to keep the much welcomed silence in my head. Eventually sleep crept up on my and my heavy eyelids fell closed.

I had always had seemingly real dreams, but tonight's dream was especially vivid. I was with a faceless man on beach. I had my back pressed into the sand with his beautifully toned body. His thick cock filled me, engaging my body in a pleasure like never before. His thrusts were slow and steady, perfectly matching the waves behind him. His hands worked magic on my breasts as his mouth slowly assaulted mine. Each time he filled me pushed me closer and closer to the edge. I was so close, I could feel my orgasm tightening every muscle in my body, when my eyes snapped open.

I groaned pressing my fists into my eyes, pissed that my inability to stay asleep for too long kept me from peaking. I snaked my hand down feeling how wet and aroused I was. Deciding to not waste an opportunity for some self loving, I pulled my purple vibrator out of my bedside table drawer.

I softly pressed the vibrator on my swollen clit and slowly turned the dial on and felt the first tingles of pleasure make their way through me. I thought of my dream. Remembering how thick he'd been how I loved how he stretched my body with each heavy push into me. The way his hardened chest grazed my pert nipples. I reached my other hand up to feel how hard they were. I hissed slightly at how sensitive they were, loving the tiny shivers that touch sent through me. I turned the speed up a little higher, still remembering. His hand had been anchored deeply in my hair holding my face impossibly close to his while the other explored my every curve. Then how his mouth had moved down my neck and alternated between soft, open mouthed kissed and sharp, little bites on my heated skin. How his muscled back felt under my palms, my fingertips discovering every little dip in his corded muscles. I turned the vibrator up as high as it could go, remembering how he'd tasted of salt and sugar, sweet and savory all at the same time. The memory felt so real I could actually taste his lips upon my own, this was enough to send me over the edge. My fingers clenched my sheets as my back arched off the bed. My head flew back into my pillows with my eyes tightly closed and my mouth parted in a slight moan. I rode out my orgasm for a few euphoric moments before my body slowly slid back onto my bed. I turned the vibrator off, pulling it off my over-sensitized flesh.

I lay with my eyes wide open as I took deep, slow breaths, trying to calm my thundering heart. As soon as my heart slowed to a slower, heavier beat I drifted off to a deep, empty sleep.

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**AUTHORS NOTE**

**So I am _EXTREMELY_ nervous to post this chapter. It's some lemonade of the self serving variety. And I like it, but I don't know if anyone else will. Please review, it's much appreciated. Oh, and the song at the top of each chapter kinda helps set the mood for whats to come. I hope you enjoy my choices and please feel free to tell me ones that work for you. I love you all.**


	4. Trying To Believe In Trying

**A/N: It really is a shame, but this isn't mine. **

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**CONVERSATIONS WITH...**

**CHAPTER 4: TRYING TO BELIEVE IN TRYING**

**EPOV**

**SONG: Coldplay- In My Place**

I woke up early the next morning and just laid in my bed. I turned on my side and stared at the framed photo on my night stand. It was the only picture I had of Bella and I. It was at my junior prom in high school. I loved that picture, she looked amazing in dress she's worn that night. It was a simple, short black dress that accentuated her curves and pale coloring. I smiled as I remembered how after prom I'd convinced her to ride in the truck without her dress. I'd stripped out of my tux as it had been extremely uncomfortable. She had blushed the whole time, but smiled as she undressed. She never realized how pretty she was. Even in the crazy outfits she would wear for holidays and spirit days she was still the prettiest girl I'd ever met. And she was even more gorgeous now. And still just as oblivious to that fact.

That picture was one of very few items I had as physical proof we'd been together or even best friends. I had a few notes, some emails I had managed to save, and a small teddy bear she'd gotten me for Valentine's Day.

I hated that she had impacted me and my heart so much but had left hardly any proof of her existence in my life. I guess that was my fault too. I could have taken pictures or something. Anything to have a little piece of her still.

Besides it was my fault she left my life to begin with. I had been such a stupid, cock-driven boy who didn't realize he already had the most amazing girl. Fucking idiot I had been.

My depressing silence was broken when my cell phone started ringing on my nightstand. I picked it up and saw it was my older sister Tanya calling. I answered it.

"Hello."

"Hey baby bro. It's your big sis. What the hell you up to today?" She asked, always so happy.

"Nothing really. Laying in bed right now." I told her, my face muffled in my pillow.

"Why the fuck are you still in bed at 11:30?" I turned my head, I hadn't even realized I'd been up for so long. "Oh wait, you have that voice. Were you thinking about Bella again?" She still knew me so well, but fuck, when wasn't I thinking about Bella?

"I woke up awhile ago, not just now. I haven't been able to get out of bed yet. Rough night. And you know the answer to that question. Always." I answered as I sat up in bed and ran my hand through my already messy hair, making it stick up everywhere.

"Well I've just decided you and me are going out for lunch. Meet me at Jose's in 45 minutes. And don't be late." She ordered me.

"Yeah, sure. I'll see you then." She hung up right after that not even bothering to say goodbye. I got out of bed to take a shower.

I still had Bella on my mind and being naked and wet turned my wistful thoughts to lustful ones. I had to resist the urge to take care of my growing problem, Tanya hated when I was late. And she always knew why I was, no matter how embarrassing it was for me. I flipped the shower to cold water to shock my cock into submission before turning it off and getting out. I wrapped a towel around my waist and wiped off the steam on my mirror.

I quickly brushed my teeth and toweled off my hair, dropping my towel in the basket leaving me naked and shivering. I walked into my room and pulled on some boxers, jeans and socks before finding a shirt Tanya had bought me to wear. I knew it would make her happy to see me wearing one. I grabbed a hat, my keys and slipped into my shoes before jumping into my truck.

I quickly made my way over to the restaurant making it there with a few minutes to spare, but of course my sister beat me there.

"Hey sis," I greeted her as I slid into the opposite side of the booth from her.

"Wow you've made it on time for once,"she responded before reaching over the table to flip my hat off my head. She hated when I tried to wear a hat indoors. I scowled at her for a moment before opening up my menu.

"I ordered both of us a Coke to drink while I was waiting," she told me. I smiled, she knew how I hated when others around me drank and always tried to even the playing field by ordering the same as me. I spotted pork enchiladas, my favorite, instantly decided on them and snapped the menu closed.

"So how are you?" I asked her as I dipped a chip in the spicy salsa. She grinned at me in excitement.

"I'm great! Michael got Molly her first bike a few days ago and she's been riding it like a natural ever since." Molly was her three year old daughter. She looked a lot like Tanya with strawberry tinted curls and big blue eyes. Tanya's hair was a very light, reddish blonde color whereas mine was a deeper red with dark blonde shading close to a crazy bronzy color. Me and Tanya both had green eyes, but hers had a hint of blue to them.

"That;s fucking awesome. I bet she loves it. I'll have to come over and see her." I was really close to Molly. She helped keep me motivated. Someday I wanted my own Molly with Bella. Tanya smiled softly, always happy with the time I spent with Molly after leaving my family for so long. Before she could respond the waiter came with our sodas, we both ordered and he left us alone again.

"So why the voice this morning? You're not usually so somber about Bella that early in your day?" She looked concerned for me so I took a deep breath before telling her about my seeing Bella at the grocery store.

"Oh honey. I'm so sorry that it didn't go as well as you hoped." She stopped, but looked like she wanted to say more. I raised an eyebrow at her pointedly, wanting her to say whatever was on her mind. She sat staring at me like she was unsure if she should finish. I waited patiently as she looked more and more like she was going to burst if she didn't speak.

"Fine!" She loudly exclaimed. "You really can't have expected that to go much better than it did. I mean Jesus Edward, you not only cheated on her, but left her for a girl with the same name! Then you just disappeared. Fuck! She's nor exactly going to accept you with open arms after than fucked up mess. Shit, if I were her I'd never be able to forgive you. It was fucking terrible for her I can imagine." she didn't even breathy throughout her entire tirade, and she was now heavily breathing in anger. I frowned, unwilling to let myself believe she wouldn't forgive me. I needed her to. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if she didn't. At least I still have hope that she will and a goal to keep working towards. Tanya reached over and set her hand on my arm.

"Lucky for you she's not me, nor is she much like me. She;s special and she not only can but will forgive you Edward. She is worth all that you've gone through. And you're worth it to her. And some where she knows this too. Or she wouldn't hate you so much." I studied her face, looking for a sign that she was lying to me to make me feel better. There was none, she fully believed what she said. I smiled and nodded at her as our waiter showed up with our food. We ate in comfortable silence through most of our meal.

"Edward," she said to get my attention. "Just don't give up her on her or yourself. This is right for the both of you. Just keep trying and show her the truth." She encouraged me. We soon finished our meals, I paid and we left the restaurant. She hugged me once we were by my truck

"I love you little brother. Ans she will too." She whispered before leaving to her car. Once she had the door open she yelled "I'll tell Molly she'll see you on Tuesday." She laughed and got in her car and left. I got in my truck still thinking about the things she said at lunch. Bella had every right to hate me, but only because she only knew the old me. I would just have to convince her to let me show her who I was now. Someone who loved her and someone she would love too.

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**AUTHORS NOTE**

**So, everyone welcome Tanya. I hate that she is ALWAYS someone bad in stories, I like her. So she is one of my favorite people in the story. **

**I realized that I haven't told you guys how old everyone is. So here is a quick rundown: Bella is 26, Alice is 26, Edward is 27 and Tanya is 29. The rest of the gang and a new character will be along soon. **

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter, so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review. **

**Thanks!~~Aiden28**


	5. Old, New, And Dreams in Midnight Blue

**a/n: It would be nice, but I don't own it. ****CONVERSATIONS WITH...**

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**CHAPTER 5: SOMEONE OLD, SOMEONE NEW & DREAMS IN MIDNIGHT BLUE**

**EPOV**

**SONG: Jack's Mannequin-Dark Blue**

After a week of not seeing Edward when I went out I stopped looking over my shoulder constantly for him. I relaxed and shoved him back to the dark corners of my brain. All the excess feelings I had I threw into my writing. I was shocked at the sheer amount of work I did. I actually filled entire notebooks with my words. Mostly poems, but even a dew short stories. I tried to ignore how painfully emotional most of them were. I was at home writing when I heard the front door slam.

"Bella!" I head Alice yell for me. Even though we lived together I hadn't seen Alice in days. I'd been locked in the studio attached to my room when I wasn't out driving to clear my head.

"I'm in my studio Alice," I called back to her as I turned down my music. I smiled as she came here, happy to see her. Alice lit up any room she was in. Energy oozed out of her pores, I swear.

"What the hell Bella? I haven't seen you in days. Why are you hiding in here? And whats up with the music? Whats wrong?" I bit my lip. I'd hoped she wouldn't catch the quiet music. I was listening to "Rootless Tree" by Damien Rice. My mood was always apparent based on my music choice.

"I just got caught up writing," I mumbled as an excuse. I watched as Alice flipped through the notebooks stacked near me. I saw here eyes widen as she looked and the dates and times on the top of each poem. I did that to help keep myself organized.

"Are you kidding me?" She looked up at me with huge eyes. "B, you've written four notebooks in a week and a half. I've never seen you write this much. Ever! Whats going on in that head of yours?" She sat next to me on the bench facing my work table.

"I don't really want to talk about it right now. I will tell you. Just not yet. My head is still too full for me to make any sense to someone else." I tried to placate her with my eyes. I hoped that for once she would let it drop. She nodded once before turning her attention back to my table. It was even messier than usual. Paper, pens, markers, CDs and paper were strewn everywhere.

"Wait, your head is still full? How is that even possible? You've written enough for practically two more books?" I just shrugged at her, I had not answer. I just knew it was still hectic in my mind. "Well then we need to get you a manager. This is too much for either of us to handle. I'll start making some phone calls in the morning. I have a few favors owed to me. And you need this for sure." She decided as I breathed out in relief. I agreed with her completely. I hadn't even looked at the things I'd written. It was a daunting task that I had no desire to even consider starting. Suddenly Alice started squealing and bouncing next to me. I turned to her with an eyebrow raised. That was sudden, even for Alice. This must be good.

"I have amazing news to tell you." She jumped out of her seat, her excitement too much for her to contain. "I met the most beautiful man today. Well I didn't really meet him, I saw him. I was at the bookstore picking up some books from the Civil War time when I saw him." To explain, Alice liked to get ideas from past era's fashion. She liked to mix the old with the new and her work was amazing, She usually read books and study photos from her time period of choice. Right now it was the Civil War. Sh hadn't shown me much of her designs yet. She said she was still getting acclimated to the styles and wasn't ready yet. I could understand that. "He was a little further down the aisle from me. But Bella, he was gorgeous. He was probably 6'2" with sandy blonder hair that was in need of a haircut. He was wearing a dark green plaid button up with worn jeans that just hugged his ass perfectly." She sighed and dreamily stared at nothing. I'd never seen Alice this smitten before or this quickly. She liked to change things frequently and that went for guys too. I couldn't fault her for it though, no matter how ridiculous it seemed to me. That was just Alice. This seemed different though. For starters..

"Did you talk to him at all?" I asked her. She then did something that I did at least once a day and that I had never seen her do. She blushed. Okay, this was bigger than I thought.

"No. I couldn't. He's perfect!" She sadly told me. "I don't think I could handle the rejection. So I just window shopped him. But oh man did I want to try him on and take him home with me." Of course Alice would liken a relationship or in some cases just sex to shopping.

"Why would any guy in his right mind reject you Alice?" I asked. She whipped around to face me.

"Um, maybe because he's smart and rugged and all manly. He probably just thinks I'm some fashion obsessed airhead who constantly worries about breaking a nail trying to look smart in the bookstore." I looked at her thoughtfully before responding to her statement.

"Alice you do love fashion, but not more than your friends and family. And you are far from an airhead. I've seen you do some crazy math in your head trying to get tiny measurements right. And you do hate breaking your nails, yet you break them more then me and usually just laugh it off and change them. You are an amazing person and maybe if you gave hot, rugged bookstore guy a chance he'd see that too." I couldn't believe I was convincing Alice of how amazing she was. She usually have unending self-confidence.

"You know, you're right Bella. Next time I'll talk to him." She nodded her head determinedly. "I brought home Chinese. You interested?" She asked. I smiled and stood to follow her downstairs to the dining room. We spent the rest of the night eating Chinese food and playing charades like we were kids again.

I woke up the next morning to an empty house. Alice liked to start her day early so she could do everything she wanted. She liked to keep pretty busy. I was the opposite. I liked lazy days to just lose myself in my art whether it be with inks or paints.

I shuffled into my kitchen bleary eyed and in desperate need of caffeine. I'd had another dream with my faceless lover. This time we were just lying together softly kissing and touching. The way his hands had ghosted over my skin and how his lips brushed mine so sweetly made me feel loved and adored. As amazing as it had been it was also unnerving. Who was his man I'd been dreaming of for days? Why could I never make our the details of his face? And why now, when I had no desire for a someone like that. I was content with my life, single and all.

I groaned aloud and ripped the coffeepot out of its perch in the brewer and poured myself a huge mug of coffee, which I sweetened considerably wit creamer. I hoped the combination of caffeine and sugar was wake me up and kick the faceless man of my dreams out for good. I actually had things to do besides wallow in my emotions and paint or write.

I had to go get more pens, paints and papers. I gulped down my coffee and hunted around the fridge for a yogurt. I quickly found and devoured one before pouring myself a second cup of coffee. This one came back upstairs with me as I got ready for the day. I showered and twisted my hair into a low side ponytail. I pulled on my favorite dark wash straight-leg jeans and a mock wrap top that had blues, purples, grays and blacks splashed on it. I threw on a light, white cardigan and a pair of ever faithful flats before grabbing my clutch, phone and keys. My first stop was an office supply store near my home. I needed to pick up as many different types of pens as I could.

Alice though it was crazy how many different pens I had, but I loved it. I had not preferred kind of pen. I had a pen in every color and thickness imaginable. Most importantly to me I had a pen to match my every mood. Some were smooth for easily flowing words, others wrote in a way to match the raw emotion-gritty and messy. I had beautiful calligraphy pens and junky pens I'd stolen from banks. I had a whole collection of pens. But not just pens, markers of every variety as well. But absolutely no pencils.

Weird, I know. There was a reason though.

Pencils weren't permanent and lasting. If you fucked up writing with a pen you had to scribble it out. And even my scribbles meant something to my writings. Pencil written words weren't made to scribble. They were made to be erased. I hated that, words so easily lost or negated. Pens forced you to think before you placed ink to paper. I liked not having a the choice to just erase my words, to act as if they had never existed.

After I practically bought every pen they sold the store I headed over to Skye's Art Supplies. It was owned by this hippie name Skye and his wife Gigi. They had obviously enjoyed their hippie days and smoked way too much pot, but they knew their art supplies. Over the years I'd grown close with the couple, their expertise had helped me immensely as I had no formal training in painting.

I greeted Gigi as I walked in the door and headed straight for the paints. I slowly perused the various rainbow shades that filled an entire aisle, looking for colors to match my recent moods brought on by my dreams. I wanted deep, intense colors that would stick in my brain for days. I found a beautiful deep crimson, a plum so dark it was almost black and a midnight blue perfect for my nighttime desires. I grabbed a few other basic colors that I was low on before heading to the paper section of the store. I sat on a small stool and trued to find the type of paper I had in mind.

In the back of my concentration I heard the bell over the door twinkle and Gigi greet whoever entered the store. I was brushing my hand over a thick, textured piece of paper when my senses prickled. Curious I looked to my left and saw Edward's Amazon green eyes staring back at me. I close me eyes and took a deep breath.

_Please let it not be him, please let it not be him, _I hoped before opening my eyes. He was still there. I was too much in my word of color and texture to angry. I felt more resigned, I sighed and turned back to my hands.

"Are you stalking me now?" I quietly asked as I continued to contemplate using this paper. I heard him chuckle darkly to himself. I turned back, curious as to the reason behind his chuckle.

"No. I ran out of paper in my sketchbook. I heard this is the best place," his musical voice told me. How I'd always loved his voice, so beautiful, like him.

Stop! I mentally scolded.

"It is. This may be a small town, but Skye and Gigi know their art." I was surprised at how calm and collected I was acting on the outside. On the inside I was a mess of feeling. I was angry, hurt, sad, happy and about a million other feelings. I studied his face for a moment and noticed he seemed like he wanted to say something. "Just say whatever you're trying to hold back." I warily told him. His face showed his hesitation before he spoke.

"I wanted to ask you for something. I am unsure of how you're going to respond though. And I really hope you consider what I request." He sounded formal and starting running his hand through his hair. I realized he was nervous. I didn't see any harm in hearing him out. Edward was never nervous, at least not before and I wondered what was so scary. Me or my response.

Probably me considering how I'd acted when I'd seen him last. I guess he had a reason. I had been a pretty big bitch. But he shocked me. I don't do well with surprises. Especially ones including people who had left my life roughly a decade ago.

"Just ask. I promise to behave." I told him as I stood up with my papers and paints in my hands.

"I wanted to ask you to consider, I don't know." He paused." Fuck this is hard. Can we try being friends again?" He refused to make eye contact after he blurted out his questions.

I froze as mental pictures flew past my eyes. Us laughing, eating together, on bike rides, holding hands, kissing.

WRONG!!! My brain screamed at me. I quickly shook my head to clear the images.

"I need to think about it. I've got to go. Sorry." I spun around and hurried to the counter. I tightly smiled at Gigi as she rang up my items. I paid and was in my car before I even realized I had checked out. I drove home robotically, not thinking about my actions at all. As I sat in my driveway I tried to remember the drive but came up with nothing. I gathered my things out of my car went in straight to my studio. I placed the bags on my worktable and realized how drained I felt. Like someone had siphoned off all my energy. I threw myself into my bed and as soon as my eyes closed I was asleep and dreaming.

My faceless lover was starring in the movies of my mind again. It was a deep blue kind of night around as we kissed. But this dream felt sad and desperate around the edges. It was an almost elusive feeling, so hard to completely grasp. He kissed me like it was the last time he ever would. Finally he pulled away and right as I woke up the sky brightened to a beautiful jade green.

I laid in bed on my back after I awoke trying to rid my brain of the dream, but he wouldn't leave me in peace. I sat up and was thinking of painting him out when I heard the front door open.

"Bella? Can you come down here for a bit?" Alice's voice called. I was a bit surprised at how early she was home. It was only 3:30 in the afternoon, she usually wouldn't be home for a few hours. I stood and straightened my top before heading downstairs.

Alice was in our living room with a beautiful woman. She had long wavy blonde hair the hit the middle of her back. She towered over Alice even in her usual five inch heels. She was dressed in a dark blue blazer and skirt that lightly flared at her knees. She wore simple slate gray peep toe pumps. She had a beautiful face but her eyes were dimmed with sadness and loneliness.

"Bell this is Rosalie King. She's the best of the best. She's your new manager." Alice excitedly told me. I approached Rosalie as she stuck out her hand for me to shake. Alice gently pushed her into me, "We don't shake hands in this house, we hug." I gently hugged Rosalie, at first she was stiff almost as if touching freaked her out, but after a second she softened and slightly hugged me back. I invited her to sit and I explained about my writing and painting. She agreed to to manage both for me. She had a soft, lilting voice that sounded sad, but determined as we went over all the details and agreed that she would come over tomorrow to look over everything and get started.

"Well Bella, Alice it was nice to meet with both of you and I am very excited to start working with you, but I really must be going."

"Oh, you can't stay for dinner and some wine? Bella is a fantastic cook," Alice tempted Rosalie and pulled the pouting-hard-to-say-no-to face.

"I'm sorry. It sounds great, but my son is waiting for me to pick him up from daycare." She softly informed us.

"You have a son?" I asked hoping I wasn't intruding. She did not have the body of mom at all.

"Yes. His name is Avery. He's four." Her smile grew as she spoke of him.

"You should bring him by tomorrow when you come over." I told her.

"Yeah, I love kids. It'll be so fun" Alice starting bouncing excitedly.

"Are you sure he won't be a bother?" Rosalie asked, but it seemed like her eyes were asking a entirely different question, if he would be safe.

"Of course not. Kids love Alice, shes like a kid herself. He'll be fine." She nodded her head before saying goodbye and heading out.

"So you like her?" Alice asked as I headed to the kitchen to start dinner.

"Very much so. I can't wait to get to know her."

"Great!" Alice exclaimed as she sat on a bar stool to watch me cook and tell me all about her day. The rest of the evening passed quickly and soon I was back to my dreams of blue.

* * *

**AUTHORS NOTE**

**Sorry it's been awhile, but my 21st birthday was last week and its been busy. Though not nearly as much drinking as I was told. Oh well. I hope you all like and please Please PLEASE review. It makes me smile. Think of them as birthday gifts. Thanks!!!**


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